Aza aza fighting

Had my 1st paper today..actually is yesterday la..over 12am edy..doesnt do well..out of expectation..coz done lotz of past years papers..from 2003 till 2006,every semester..haiz..duno how many nites spend in the study room,keep on doing questions like hell..but..the question comes out was totally out of expectation..haiz..now juz hope i can pass the paper lo..nothing much i can ask for..at least,i've tried my best..juz comfort myself with these words lo..n spend the whole day with drma n snacks..juz to make myself feel better..silly huh?..haiz..no mood to study..

Saw him this morning..we r taking the same paper..from far i could see him,with a pretty + mature girl at 1st,then a guy joins them..duno whether he saw me or not ler..he seems like so concentrating..like the look when he's serious..attracting..GG..

After i get the question paper..feel so sorry to him..what i was expected,didnt come out..juz come out around 40%..not good in aiming questions..n the thing is,i told him what i was expected...he sure feel dissappointed ler..nvm la..sure dun have next time liao lo..juz forget bout him la..have to do so..due to some purpose..

My fren said that i'm a bit different during finals..every final exam sure like tat..erm..it's like,too nervous before exam and then bcome blur liao..ask me question i oso duno how to answer..n i really feel that ler..coz everytime before enter the venue sure feel like want to faint liao..wanna ask whether this can sure a?..coz really..a big problem..since high school..haiz..after exam wanna eat ice-cream relax a bit pun tak boleh..coz my fav ice cream stall didnt open today..haiz..

Going to zz lo..tmr have to wake up early to study..haiz..next week 2 tough subject come together ler..soal..today enjoy whole day liao (actually is yesterday ler..ha)..tmr (suppose to be today..)have to jia you lo..

To all the candidates..GAMBATE o..aza aza fighting..haha...nitez..

P/S : omething dun like but i have to admit..ie,i still miss him much..haiz..words for him,have to jia you o..right here praying for u..

味道

好久沒上線了。。因為電腦中了毒﹐加上有些部份有點問題﹐就拿去修理了。。期間有好多東西想post的﹐最後等不及也就用手寫了。。除了日記﹐還給他寫了信。他不會有機會讀到的信。一封封﹐被壓在抽屜裡。。被壓的不止信﹐還有用不完的思念﹐淚水﹐情感。。

今天去上了他的課﹐沒見着他。。我是來上課的﹐一直這樣告訴自己。。算了吧。。也都知道是自欺欺人罷了。。算了。。課沒上完就走了﹐沒有心情。。反正那堂課就不是我應該去的。

回到宿舍﹐沒有睡意。即使才睡了三個多小時。。白天讀書不進腦﹐就上網聊天下載歌了。找了首舊歌﹐辛曉琪的‘味道’(因為跟同學聊到味道的課題) 。蠻好聽的﹐也代表了對他的思念。。好想念他。。他的微笑﹐霸道﹐溫柔﹐等等。。這些﹐都不曾忘記。有時還會學他的語氣說話﹐不懂為什麼。很懊惱的是﹐我留不住他的味道。。屬於他的味道。。被我遺忘了的味道。。不曾告訴過他吧﹐很喜歡他的味道。。那麼獨特的﹐竟然被我忘了。也找不回了﹐不是香薰店可以買到的。我怎麼可以這樣。。一直以來都記得的﹐怎麼會給忘了呢。。同學說﹐去找他吧! 找他﹐找回那味道。。很妄想﹐很直接的做法。。看來﹐我是真的要失去他了。。什麼都留不住了。。

前晚﹐夢見他。他病了﹐病得蠻嚴重的。臉色都變白了。。夢裡﹐我去探望他﹐關心他﹐問候他。。可是。。他﹐推開了我的手。不留余力的﹐在我一碰到他時。。心痛。真實得痛。。到後來的後來﹐他一直不肯見我﹐聽我說話。。夢裡﹐我哭了﹐在他面前﹐第一次。。或許是老天托的夢吧。。提醒我應該放手﹐應該忘了。。朋友說﹐不要固執的黏着不是你的幸福﹐這樣很難會找到真正的幸福。。說得對。即使他曾經是我的‘福’ ﹐但也是該找我的另一個‘福’ 了。。舊的‘福’ ﹐就丟掉吧。。沒用了。。

最近他有傳簡訊過來﹐問我關於考試的貼士。因為我們都會考同一科。一直告訴他沒有﹐老師沒說。事實上﹐每課都有關聯﹐實在沒什麼貼士可言。。老師也是這樣說的。不知道他有沒有在生氣。。唉。。如果有﹐不用他問我也會給他的。。同學說我想太多了。說不干我的事。可是為什麼還是覺得有點不舒服? 有讓他失望的愧疚感。。會在想﹐如果不是考同一科的話﹐我們會不會以後都不會再聯絡了? 他會繼續升﹐搬離現在住的地方。。不會再遇到了。。不要再遇到了。。

一切﹐就到此為止吧。。連那樣的夢都做了﹐真的要算了。。有朋友說18歲那年是最難以忘懷﹐最刻骨銘心的。。我贊成。兩個我愛的﹐都離開了。。18歲﹐我會記得。。

P/S : 在此祝我的網友能看開些﹐祝福舊情人﹐沒有想像中困難。。每個人﹐都要很幸福的生活着。。

惠婷

23.01.2007 0115

abandoned blog..coming back..

long time didnt blogging at here ler..coz using msn spaces recently..http://wuiteng.spaces.live.com..

juz chat with fren..we chat lots of things..then he said he blogging at blogspot..then oni i remember...i still have a blog at blogspotn have been abandom..haha..now updating lo..haha...

read back wat i'd post last time..different feeling...seriously..'wen gu zhi xin'...tat's wat ppl oways said?..think of him recently...is not recently..is always...oways get to think of him..duno y...the feelings?..my fren said all is expired liao..said that certain repeated feelings wont change oso...i think tat's y...keep on missing him...until my kor kor oao sien liao..ha..oways says tat he sien but i still the same...haha...

luckily got him...at least got someone to talk on when i'm thinking yang bukan-bukan..automatically will misscall him..then wait for his call..to ensure tat he's free..busy ppl ma..haha..frenship tat wouldnt change..perhaps..

'ppl are born to be alone'..duno when i 'created' this phrase..but feel really true..we came alone n gone alone...before relationship started we r alone,after break up goes back to alone again..how long ur frens can accompany u?how long ur family can take care of u?will be alone at last oso...tat's y..ppl are born to be alone..

talking nonsense here...craps...haha..it's late now..going to zzz liao..nitez to everyone...