29.03.2007

好久没有写部落格了..因为上网时间少了,加上最近都比较忙..忙上课,功课,做工,补习..每天都有东西做..一天一天都在这样被看似充实的日子中渡过..学校的功课茫然,做工的压力大,在佛堂有愧疚感..唉..差不多每晚恶梦,有一次被吓醒时刚巧是凌晨4.44,还真恐怖..生活那么忙,唯独感情一片空白..有位朋友应该比我更难受吧..那种'新郎结婚,新娘不是我'的心情..唉..

刚拒绝了一个男生..追求我也有一段日子了..他的条件,还蛮不错的..年级轻轻(大我一年而已哦..),就有了间公司(和别人partner啦..),自己赚钱买车,学历高,头脑转得快..若是以投资者的角度来看的话,他,绝对是个不错的资产..哈哈..可怜的他,被我说成那样..很可惜,我并不是一个好的投资者,我拒绝了他..因为..没感觉..是其中的理由..再来,可能他太会做生意了吧..总觉得他的眼神里,带着猜疑,像是我说的跟外面那些生意人那样不可靠..女人的直觉,很准的..不够真,就已经出局了..最不喜欢别人在我面前带面具,而且是那种带那么多层,还在装做若无其事..这样连做朋友也没什么意义吧..唉..还有另一些原因,令我不得不讨厌他..我不否认,我真的开始讨厌他了..能另我讨厌的人实在不多,他真容幸..哈哈..至于他做的那件另我对他'改观'的事..就歪提了吧..想起都觉得恶心,还搞得我有点洁癖了..

另一方面,跟他有传了几封简讯,吃了顿午餐,通了通电话..说实在的,还真要感谢他..事发那晚(上述说的恶心的事),他发了封简讯来,问我好不好..虽然知道他的用意不只这样,(应该是想帮女朋友问减肥方法吧..),还是觉得开心..竟然有人在我心情不好,觉得世界都是肮脏的时候,给了我最真挚(partial)的问候,虽然只是很巧的,我那时很down..还是回了他'我很好'..对他而言,我好不好,不再是重点了,既然是这样,何不说一些更有意义的..他问的问题,我答了..用充满疑问的心情,回答了..聊着聊着,睡着了..因为很累(捐了血..+开心+..18岁的愿望之一噢..),从减肥到电影..很巧的,我们看了同一场电影,有一样的感受..顺便宣传一下,'Bridge to Teribithia'...超好看的..少一点童真的人,就会觉得那套片子没意义了..哈哈..我们都是有童真的..哈哈..

说到捐血,第一次捐血,真的很开心很开心..没有遇见同学说的'懵懂护士',顺利并且以蛮快的速度捐完血(比一起捐的同学们快很多啦..)哈哈..其实蛮怕捐不成的,因为上次那医师啦..说我有轻微贫血..吓得我..平安过关!!哈哈..跟那里当值的护士和FAU members聊得蛮开心的.难忘的的第一次..嘻嘻...+开心+...+满足感+...+累+..

开心之于,也有难过的事啦..就是..不能跟朋友去Pulau Redang..+哭+..真的很想去..没有去过的地方,又有那么多朋友去..竟然不能去..唉..都是爸妈啦..说什么海边不能去...海啸都过了那么久嘛..而且今年运势也不错啊..骗人的..说我去年运不好哪里都不能去..白白乖了一年..今年还不是一样!!..唉..澳门,热浪岛,KK,全都不准去..唉..下次还是先斩后奏好了..嘻嘻..虽然明白他们的心思,不过也关得太紧了吧..唉..不管啦..今年一定要搞好自助旅行..一定要去..哈哈...

快考试了..还有一个月吧..唉..好快..功课都还没开始懂+动...唉..无论如何,加油吧!!哈哈哈... =D

P/S: 考试成绩要出了..+紧张+...
再P/S: 很想再试一次'心动'的感觉..谁可以帮帮我..哈哈..

又来了...

昨天回去公教中学,探望以前的老师和同学..顺便去接弟弟放学..嗯,都有见到很多老师,两年了,老师们都还记得我们..哈哈..有些还记得我们的班呢..哈哈..真的蛮开心的,跟老师聊天..哈哈..还有以前的同学,现在念着中六的,大家都还好谈,大家都没变..哈哈..他们旷了两节课,出来一起聊..哈哈...原来有些教过我的老师,在教着我弟弟的班呢..哈哈..真巧..

还有的就是,学校装修了很多..整体上还好..不过还是觉得我们那年的,会好一些..从大门看进去,的确很漂亮,很壮观..不过,拆了以前的那个阳台,里面变得很暗了..被那堵墙,冷冷的,虽然被华文学会会员布置得很好..不过,少了阳光的照射,会变得没有心情吧..再美的画,也代替不了那温暖的阳光吧..有时侯因为太晒,左躲右避的,那情景应该也不会再有了吧..哈哈...总是要进步的,装修应该是好事..哈哈..

过后跟朋友去Amcorp Mall 吃午餐..顺便在那等朋友..吃了,不大好吃的(因为那儿所谓的素,唉...算了),还好价钱还算可以..有时侯吃素真的很麻烦..像是旅行,虽然可以另外煮,不过难免会参到一些葱蒜..唉..出到外面,没有斋挡的,而那间真的没有合适的,可以吃的..就真的很惨了..在想着,还要不要清口..唉..不行哦..要坚定些才可以..嗯,可以的...哈哈..

然后跟他们去KBU,以前就很想去了的...一直很想参观别人的学院..上别家学院的课.哈哈...昨天,终于可以去了..哈哈..开心..虽然没去上课,不过还是开心啦..哈哈..顺便也让弟知道一下学院是什么样的..也有朋友要转校,就去survey一下咯..哈哈..

大概一个小时后,就回了..因为不大熟悉那里的路,跟车又跟错了..很心烦..兜回去再走过...怎知,闯了红灯还要差点撞车..是我不对在先,知道...还好没有撞到,不然真的很严重了..对方又是摩托车..唉..因为对方从隔壁转出来,我又直冲,唉..就酱咯..很奇怪的就是,我远远看到红灯,有煞车..可是一到红灯那,竟然去踏油..TMD..真的不知道怎么了..到底在干嘛!!!...当然,车上的,全都被吓到了...我弟,朋友,还有我...大家过后都静静的,没出声..我也专心地驾了..一直保持在60-80而已...怕了怕了..有一次也是这样..真的不适合驾车..唉..后来晚上朋友有sms我,说了一些话..她果然,吓到了..也不知道弟有没有告诉妈..有的话,以后不用想驾车了..唉..

前几天,因为刚睡醒就去接小弟放学..也是很有惊无险..因为那是,直接把我拉起来驾车,整个人还有点晕晕的那种..因为婆婆不放心我的技术,就跟来了..还好有她在,不然都不知道要怎样了..哈哈..不过,这件事,婆婆告诉了爸妈..哈哈..随便啦..预料中..哈哈...没事就好..哈哈..

P/S:友人说我应该多自信些..是时侯把他忘了..唉..再算吧..哈哈..在那友人的网页下载了两张有他的照片..开心哦..哈哈..

26 Feb

went to fren's hse last night..for 50% visiting + 50% ang pau purpose..haha..got my angpau of course..even though his family's not around..even we go visit him at 12am..seriously..haha..go fetch Ivan first..spend almost half an hour to find his hse..haiz..susah..promised dad will be back earlier,but..a bit drunk edy,dun dare to go home so early..coz i'm the type that kenot drink beer(even it's oni jolly shandy..haiz..),coz my face easy to get red..haha..dun dare to go home..then go yam cha with them..after playing cards..haha..chat lotz..share lotz..bout 3 oni reach home..tired..then still need to attend eng class the next day..really bores me stiff ler..but wat to do?..mum register de..for my own good..haiz..dun care a,after this level duwan eng class liao.haiz..

another great news..i've joined 'Malao Band'.it's a gang..forgot the full name liao..but it's sth sbout the 'anti lansi' de..haha..a wonderful king n 8 punkers..haha..cool..knew some of the members before that liao de..haha..they r juz nice..easy-going person..en..not bad not bad..haha.i'm the 3rd girl member..haha..proud to be..erm,the gang wil be bigger n bigger..believe it..haha..

it's 3am now..gonna go zzz lo..tmr nede to wake up early ler..haiz...

好想她...

新年快到了,游子们都回家乡了吧..明天就是年三十晚,一家人吃团圆饭的日子...想起n年前的这个时侯,我们父辈的亲戚,也会回怡保,一直以来都是这样子的..从来没有停过(农历新年,清明节,学校假期..都会回去..)..对我的家乡,有种特别的情愫吧..毕竟我是在那里出生长大的啊..加上以前一年回去几次的 习惯?..有好多回忆都是那里的,尤其是小时侯,表堂兄弟姐妹们,没有顾虑,心机的..还是很单纯,很不知道天高地厚,什么都想玩的我们...玩得好快乐啊,虽然换来的可能是长辈们的责骂,可是都不在乎,还会偷偷在他们背后说回他们呢(因为不可能当着面抱怨吧..哈哈..)..当时的我们,好怀念啊..好多好的不好的回忆,都在那..我第一次煮饭,还是在那里耶..哈哈..

不知道什么时侯,开始很少回去了..不知不觉地,一年没回,觉得还好,反正还有明年..可是明年,明年的明年,都没有再回去了..有叫爸载我们回去,只有我们三姐弟也没关系,总之就是很想回去..不为什么,因为那里是我的家,我们的祖屋..没有回去的原因,有很多..一,以前住在那的婆婆和姑姑,都搬出来KL了..二,因为那里没人住了,所以每次回去都要来一次'大扫除'..而且不是普通的那种,是要整间屋子,里里外外,把那些(好高好高的)杂草,(不懂积得多少尺的)灰尘,还有很多不知名的昆虫小动物,全部清除赶走..没有很多人耐得这样的工作,很累人的(不过过后换来的是大家聚在一起的笑声,值得..)..三,因为父辈那里闹不合了,唉..现在过节过日还能聚一起吃饭,也算好了..不过,聚的人,越来越少了..唉..现在聚的时侯,可能因为我搬出去住少接触的关系吧,觉得跟同辈的他们话题没那么多了..唉..好想念当时的我们哪,还没长大的我们,在祖屋..唉..

现在每年的农历新年,都不会待在KL,但是大年初一会一起吃早饭啦..哈哈..虽然每年都可以去玩,不过想回去是真的啦..小时候跟堂弟妹们的梦想,都会变成愿望了..唉..'到不了的都叫做远方 回不去的名字叫做家乡'..南拳妈妈的其中一首歌,忘了是什么歌名,不过歌词很印象深刻..

再见了,我的家..想你噢..

情人节快乐

一直以来忙着考试,都没有update我的部落格..抱歉哦..哈哈..大致交待一下,考试考得不大好,全部可以及格就好了,不要求太多...跟家人的关系,也慢慢OK了..上次为了某些原因,加上另一些原因,而吵架..吵得很凶呢..事后也有后悔..不过,现在已经OK了,就好了..以前的事,就忘了吧..唉.

看了 Death Note 2,还蛮不错的..越看越喜欢'L'了..哇..很有头脑,很吸引人,虽然主角是夜神月..可是还是龙崎更引人注目..对吧?反正现在假期,就把'死亡笔记'的漫画追完了..跟电影有很大的落差,不过那电影制作也还好啦..哈哈..过后要看'Bleach'...哈哈..听说还蛮不错呢..

对了,今天是情人节..刚过十二点时,有好多同学朋友都有祝辐呢..在此谢谢各位朋友的祝福..尤其是我的Darling哦..想你哦,可是不能和你过情人节,唉..失望..不过没关系,往后还会有很多的情人节让我们过..哈哈...前提是,双方都没有男朋友咯..哈哈..Darling,明年的,等你咯..哈哈..他,也有传简讯过来,介绍了几本书给我..是很不错的书呢..他说,希望我能长大一点..没多说些什么..情人节的那个凌晨,我流泪了..不知道是太想念还是什么,一直以为眼泪已经流干了的时侯,竟然再此因为他而流泪了..

第一次跟朋友们过,去了 Sunway Pyramid,很早 (因为怕没有Parking,果然,很难才找到一个)..先和朋友'血拼',应该算是陪她吧..不过自己也买了一件 T-shirt, 因为...蛮可爱的,反正我也很少T-shirt,价钱也算合理...哈哈..就酱咯..哈哈..走了很久,在里边..有点闷了,人都还没到齐..唉..结果,3只小猫坐在麦当捞等另外两只...真是的...不过也还好啦,大家都聊了很多,很搞笑的,关于自己的..都有..哈哈..等人的同时,我们就先自己聚了..哈哈..

后来,有舞台剧的演出..'灰姑娘'..很经典的童话,情人节嘛..哈哈..虽然这世上是没有童话故事的存在,唯一的(戴妃和查理王子),也已经没有了..不过,他们的演出,真的很好..哈哈..以芭蕾舞为主要演出..嗯..真的不错..

整天就这样过去了..回到家,大概是九点多吧.没记错的话...有点饿,因为都没吃到什么..没关系,,还好还有婆婆的'爱心米粉'..留了最后一碟..()应该是吃不完的吧..哈哈..),粉感动的..好好吃..哈哈...

P/S : 在Pyramid时,有买了一枝紫色的心送给那位漂亮又有才艺的钢琴师姐姐(虽然她不会弹 The Rose)..她好高兴呢..拿着那枝'心'让她的朋友看..看到她这样,我也高兴..笑了一整天..让别人高兴,自己也会开心噢..哈哈..

婷
15.02.2007 1356 毕

朋友首日封

朋友首日封
作词:陈静楠作曲:光良

夕阳洒在我的笑容 感觉咖啡又苦又浓
握在手心 最后温暖只剩下几分钟

门外有自由在等你 胸口有空洞在等我
我们说好 要为彼此保重

挥一挥手 送你先走
我的潇洒微笑
像不像个小丑

少了情人 今后多个朋友
给你过头 多余的温柔
我来收

为事争得满脸通红 话语有时说得太重
退让一步
也许会有你想要的天空

挥一挥手 不再牵手
多想说我羡慕
你怀中的玩偶

少了情人 今后多个朋友
明天开始 我写的情书
谁来收

门外有自由在等你 胸口有空洞在等我
但愿我说不痛 会让你走得更轻松
你越走越远的背后 放心有我这个朋友
像个港口 欢迎回来停留

kini kita sudah pisah
mohon doa engkau bahagia
但愿我说不痛
会让你走得更轻松

kini kita sudah pisah
mohon doa engkau bahagia
我像港口
欢迎回来停留

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

給親愛的梅梅 Darling,

這首歌﹐是特地找給你的。。記錄了我們的友情﹐不變的友情。。知道了你要走的消息﹐一直都很不捨得。。原諒之前我沒有好好地﹐用心地﹐為我們的‘幼苗’ 澆水。。現在﹐有點想你了。。好想每天你經過時﹐都會‘順便’進來kacau這個Darling(說好的﹐這個名詞﹐是我們專用的噢。。不要隨便給讓了。。哈。。)
﹐好想你的體貼﹐好想你的可愛﹐好想。。。

門外有未來在等你﹐這裡有我們在守候。隨時歡迎回來停留。不要再傷心了噢。。你的Darling﹐我﹐會很心疼呢。。我們都很堅強呢。。忍着都沒哭﹐反而是你﹐哭成那樣了。。這樣不行噢﹐哭的小孩不好看的。。

至於傷心的事﹐看開些就好。。有什麼事﹐別忘了還有我﹐會一直為你加油﹐會一直支持你的。。你們﹐會再見面的。。以後的以後。。希望她往後能很幸福﹐即使不能陪在你們左右。。你會祝福她的﹐對不?

可能會去你那兒找你。。反正都那麼靠近我家嘛。。哈。受到欺負﹐不要擅自把委屈吞掉﹐不可以噢﹐要記得找我們。定定幫你出頭的。。還有好多好多話想說﹐可是時間偏偏那麼殘忍。。都還沒聊夠﹐就要分開了。。

‘你越走越远的背後 放心有我这个朋友 像个港口 欢迎回来停留’ 。。說我霸道還是要說的了﹐‘一定不能忘記我們啦。。’ 一輩子的﹐都要手拉手。。說好的﹐有什麼大浪都要一起走過!!...

唸書的同時﹐要好好照顧身子﹐不要每次那麼遲睡。。Darling ﹐保重了。。會想你的。。

婷
06.02.2007 1903

Aza aza fighting

Had my 1st paper today..actually is yesterday la..over 12am edy..doesnt do well..out of expectation..coz done lotz of past years papers..from 2003 till 2006,every semester..haiz..duno how many nites spend in the study room,keep on doing questions like hell..but..the question comes out was totally out of expectation..haiz..now juz hope i can pass the paper lo..nothing much i can ask for..at least,i've tried my best..juz comfort myself with these words lo..n spend the whole day with drma n snacks..juz to make myself feel better..silly huh?..haiz..no mood to study..

Saw him this morning..we r taking the same paper..from far i could see him,with a pretty + mature girl at 1st,then a guy joins them..duno whether he saw me or not ler..he seems like so concentrating..like the look when he's serious..attracting..GG..

After i get the question paper..feel so sorry to him..what i was expected,didnt come out..juz come out around 40%..not good in aiming questions..n the thing is,i told him what i was expected...he sure feel dissappointed ler..nvm la..sure dun have next time liao lo..juz forget bout him la..have to do so..due to some purpose..

My fren said that i'm a bit different during finals..every final exam sure like tat..erm..it's like,too nervous before exam and then bcome blur liao..ask me question i oso duno how to answer..n i really feel that ler..coz everytime before enter the venue sure feel like want to faint liao..wanna ask whether this can sure a?..coz really..a big problem..since high school..haiz..after exam wanna eat ice-cream relax a bit pun tak boleh..coz my fav ice cream stall didnt open today..haiz..

Going to zz lo..tmr have to wake up early to study..haiz..next week 2 tough subject come together ler..soal..today enjoy whole day liao (actually is yesterday ler..ha)..tmr (suppose to be today..)have to jia you lo..

To all the candidates..GAMBATE o..aza aza fighting..haha...nitez..

P/S : omething dun like but i have to admit..ie,i still miss him much..haiz..words for him,have to jia you o..right here praying for u..

味道

好久沒上線了。。因為電腦中了毒﹐加上有些部份有點問題﹐就拿去修理了。。期間有好多東西想post的﹐最後等不及也就用手寫了。。除了日記﹐還給他寫了信。他不會有機會讀到的信。一封封﹐被壓在抽屜裡。。被壓的不止信﹐還有用不完的思念﹐淚水﹐情感。。

今天去上了他的課﹐沒見着他。。我是來上課的﹐一直這樣告訴自己。。算了吧。。也都知道是自欺欺人罷了。。算了。。課沒上完就走了﹐沒有心情。。反正那堂課就不是我應該去的。

回到宿舍﹐沒有睡意。即使才睡了三個多小時。。白天讀書不進腦﹐就上網聊天下載歌了。找了首舊歌﹐辛曉琪的‘味道’(因為跟同學聊到味道的課題) 。蠻好聽的﹐也代表了對他的思念。。好想念他。。他的微笑﹐霸道﹐溫柔﹐等等。。這些﹐都不曾忘記。有時還會學他的語氣說話﹐不懂為什麼。很懊惱的是﹐我留不住他的味道。。屬於他的味道。。被我遺忘了的味道。。不曾告訴過他吧﹐很喜歡他的味道。。那麼獨特的﹐竟然被我忘了。也找不回了﹐不是香薰店可以買到的。我怎麼可以這樣。。一直以來都記得的﹐怎麼會給忘了呢。。同學說﹐去找他吧! 找他﹐找回那味道。。很妄想﹐很直接的做法。。看來﹐我是真的要失去他了。。什麼都留不住了。。

前晚﹐夢見他。他病了﹐病得蠻嚴重的。臉色都變白了。。夢裡﹐我去探望他﹐關心他﹐問候他。。可是。。他﹐推開了我的手。不留余力的﹐在我一碰到他時。。心痛。真實得痛。。到後來的後來﹐他一直不肯見我﹐聽我說話。。夢裡﹐我哭了﹐在他面前﹐第一次。。或許是老天托的夢吧。。提醒我應該放手﹐應該忘了。。朋友說﹐不要固執的黏着不是你的幸福﹐這樣很難會找到真正的幸福。。說得對。即使他曾經是我的‘福’ ﹐但也是該找我的另一個‘福’ 了。。舊的‘福’ ﹐就丟掉吧。。沒用了。。

最近他有傳簡訊過來﹐問我關於考試的貼士。因為我們都會考同一科。一直告訴他沒有﹐老師沒說。事實上﹐每課都有關聯﹐實在沒什麼貼士可言。。老師也是這樣說的。不知道他有沒有在生氣。。唉。。如果有﹐不用他問我也會給他的。。同學說我想太多了。說不干我的事。可是為什麼還是覺得有點不舒服? 有讓他失望的愧疚感。。會在想﹐如果不是考同一科的話﹐我們會不會以後都不會再聯絡了? 他會繼續升﹐搬離現在住的地方。。不會再遇到了。。不要再遇到了。。

一切﹐就到此為止吧。。連那樣的夢都做了﹐真的要算了。。有朋友說18歲那年是最難以忘懷﹐最刻骨銘心的。。我贊成。兩個我愛的﹐都離開了。。18歲﹐我會記得。。

P/S : 在此祝我的網友能看開些﹐祝福舊情人﹐沒有想像中困難。。每個人﹐都要很幸福的生活着。。

惠婷

23.01.2007 0115

abandoned blog..coming back..

long time didnt blogging at here ler..coz using msn spaces recently..http://wuiteng.spaces.live.com..

juz chat with fren..we chat lots of things..then he said he blogging at blogspot..then oni i remember...i still have a blog at blogspotn have been abandom..haha..now updating lo..haha...

read back wat i'd post last time..different feeling...seriously..'wen gu zhi xin'...tat's wat ppl oways said?..think of him recently...is not recently..is always...oways get to think of him..duno y...the feelings?..my fren said all is expired liao..said that certain repeated feelings wont change oso...i think tat's y...keep on missing him...until my kor kor oao sien liao..ha..oways says tat he sien but i still the same...haha...

luckily got him...at least got someone to talk on when i'm thinking yang bukan-bukan..automatically will misscall him..then wait for his call..to ensure tat he's free..busy ppl ma..haha..frenship tat wouldnt change..perhaps..

'ppl are born to be alone'..duno when i 'created' this phrase..but feel really true..we came alone n gone alone...before relationship started we r alone,after break up goes back to alone again..how long ur frens can accompany u?how long ur family can take care of u?will be alone at last oso...tat's y..ppl are born to be alone..

talking nonsense here...craps...haha..it's late now..going to zzz liao..nitez to everyone...

最终,我还是失去你了..

上一次吵架后,可能是我太过分了吧..从此你就没再找我了..初初还天真地以为你在忙着考试,另一方面也给我时间'降火'..可原来我错了,大错特错..他不但没有找我,而且是打算永远不理我了..

记得他有说过,如果他有心避开他讨厌的人,他就会做到绝..没想到,那个人竟然会是我..
是怎样个心情啊?真的很难受..真的难受..很复杂的情绪,就像我们的关系一样...

天真的我,还以为他真的会实现他的诺言,考完试会来找我,任我抱任我发泄对他的思念..原来不是的...原来男人对诺言的重视程度,普通得像是说话一样..还以为他会不一样,毕竟他不是我以前的他..我真的错了..每个男人都一样,是经过证实才写的..有问过几个要好的男同学,朋友,他们也承认说谎是男人的本性..所以结论是,不要太相信男人..有30%就已经很不错了..(枉我以前还放足80%-90%...现在不会那么笨了...难怪人人都说我好骗,我果然好骗呐...笨蛋!!)

其实身为一个女生,我应该做的都做了..简讯传了,电话打了,也托朋友问候他了..可是他一点反应都没有..失望..可能他真的挥了那把剑,那么不流余力,那么狠的,斩断了所有的藕断丝连,以后也不会'后段悬念依旧'...他真的做到了..应该恭喜他吧!还是恭喜自己?朋友们都说他不会是个好伴侣,我们在一起结果也只是会像我和前男友一样,而且可能这次会跌得更伤..旧患加新伤,真的会一振不撅...现在已经在吊点滴了..唉..

会在想,他是不是看了我的blog才作出这样的决定?还是他真的想专心做好他的直销和功课,其他的什么都不想?如果真是这样,唯有祝他锦绣前程了..不知道哪里看过这样的一句话,'失恋的痛苦多半是随着自尊心受到伤害而来的,要避免再受伤,就不要再对他表白你的爱情'...很有意思的一句话...而我也打算这样做..与其继续向他表白然后再受伤,不如把那份情感收起来,那它有可能会维持久一些,就算是一个人在夜晚黯然哭泣也不怕,因为至少心不是空的...对吧?我是这样想的...

有回忆总是好的,就算是不好的回忆,它们也算是你人生的一部分..和他们,就算大部分的回忆是不好的,可也存在着甜蜜的啊..就算只有那么一点点,也够了..人不好那么贪心..偶尔想起以前的种种,嘴角也会不期然地上扬..(所以有很多人说我每次一个人在傻笑,都是你们害的啦!!)

反正从以前就知道不会有结果,现在不过是证实了我的想法而已..只不过是希望破灭而已嘛,我都不是第一次的啦..很快就没事了..是的,一定是这样的...只要这样相信着,希望很快就会重生了..我可是惠婷咧..哪有那么容易垮的,对吗?...是的,一定是的...(好像有点神经时常了,怎么在自问自答?...爱疯了..哈..)

P/S:会写那么多对他的感情,不是想向他表白什么,而是认定他不会再来了...不然哪来的勇气啊!!....平时都是用手写的,现在想尝试用打的..效果一样好哦..心情好多了..哈..希望每个人都是开心并且是幸福的活着的!!祝福你们,祝福自己.. >.<

假期的开始?

考完试了,好不容易挨过了..这次,说真的,没什么信心...
而且,就算真的考到了他想我考到的,我也不再可能得到他给过的承诺了..
假期理所当然就是回家咯...三个星期没回家了..回到来又要收拾房间...发觉房间越来越小了..是因为杂物太多了吧!
家人(尤其是妈)总把有的没的放在我房..唉...变成杂货房了啦!!(幸好床位还在..)
没法子咯..收拾一下就没事了..
刚才吃晚餐时,妈讲我放假等于放监...而我却觉得,我还在监牢里面..只是环境地点不一样而已..
3个星期后,又要回去另一间牢房了...

受伤

插一把刀子在一个人的身体里，再拔出来，伤口就难以愈合了。
无论你怎么道歉，伤口总是在那儿。
要知道，身体上的伤口和心灵上的伤口一样都难以恢复。

miss / missed you?

2 days u didnt online..maybe u r busy for your exam and i'm understand that..but u know...i'm so scare that what i thought would happen..that u have found ur 'sword' and u've decided to putus our 'ou duan si lian', so that we could never able to influence each other anymore...maybe this's a very good chance, for u to do that..

actually i'm a bit regret after i send the msg..which i said that i dont mind u use that 'sword'..and as long as u'd decided to putus our 'ou duan si lian', i'll promise that never going to miss u, cares bout u,anything else...i'm oways like tat..do things without think carefully...juz depends on the 'spot feelings'..

maybe that time i'm really angry with u,feel nothing with ur cares,ur msg..but soon i feel that u r getting to leave me soon..maybe started from now,ur exam is finished,but still i cant c u online..whole day i've been waiting..juz hope to c u..know that u'd never blocked me as wat he'd done,know that u r still willing to chat with me..

u've said before..that if u really wanna to putus relationship wit a person,u'll keep the person as far as u can..blocked him/her at msn,frenster etc,never answer their call,read their msg,even if u meet them on the road u'll still pretend that u dont know them..n they'll be totally out of ur life..now i'm scared..i scare i'll be one of them..i do not dare to msg orcall u..coz i scare i'll get wat i thought..i scare i'll be out of ur life,even when i meet u i have to pretend that i dont know u..i scared that when i meet u with another girl,i have to pretend i've seen nothing,like wat i have to to edison..u know how hard to do that?how the feeling would be?think u'd never know..coz u r owayz the pampered one..except ur ex,u wouldnt be have chances to get hurt..but why muz u go n hurt ppl wor..dont u know that i'm worry bout u?dont u know that wat i said is juz some anger word?

we r the same type of ppl..that cares our 'face' so much..when we done sth wrong,we'd never really appologize,juz let time to 'clear' the mistake...n that now..i've got back what i'd done..now,i'm missing u,lotz...out of my expectation..my frenz oways remind me,never return to that path,he'd hurt u so much,he wasnt the worth person..haiz..what should i do?follow wat they'd told me?

now i'm following their ways..n wat i found us just i'm getting to hate u more than before,n miss u more than wat i think i was...i wanna go back to the past..with u..ppl say i'm pesimistic..i should look forward to future instead of looking back..

in other words,they r right..in studies,i'm looking forward..i try to ignore the mistake i've done in the last peper n looking forward to other papers..but when it comes to relationship,i couldnt do that...the more i step forward,the more i'll go backwards..i duno what i'm thinking,what i'm trying to be now..maybe as wat my fren said,now is juz a proses...after u'd gone through it..everything will be fine..

hope so..everything will be fine..even after i missed you..everything will be fine..

因为爱

总是很容易为了某些人流泪，可不会在他面前哭。
总是很容易在某些人面前哭，却不会为他而流泪。

i'm confused...

Yesterday when i was preparing for my final,u'd sent me a quest...(actually i left my hp at room then oni realised the msg when i return back to take sth)...it's a good quest actually..suits sb like us (book worm....) very much..at least all of us (study group members) canot answer it...keep on creating formulae..sigh..as it was just a simple quest n answer..that time really 'cha dou'..but the quest comes on time, as we r going to squeeze our brain jiuce to solve that irritatin account quest..ha...n i've actually broken my rules that never call u this few months (due to my monthly bill...)...juz for that answer..y am i no principle de a?haiz....


but the second ones,really make me angry liao...after the 1st quest,i've penuh dengan semangat..to continue my preparation but not to answer ur so called 'IQ question'...so i choose not to answer it(but still got reply with a silly answer la..ha..)...that time my mood edy bcome neutral liao..(from alkali to neutral, but duno when will bcome acid oni..)i knew the answer is wrong,but dun need to say ppl stupid, no brain gua...awal awal edy tell u so many times bout my pantang de la..but i endure u..1st time..but most terlampau is,u really make me angry u bout that msg...really really..


when u noticed my anger n appologise,i've edy decided not to reply u anymore...at least not to forgive u easily...that's wat i really does...didnt reply any of ur msg...1st is bcoz of i'm busy, 2nd is i'm still agry...(very xiao qi hor?ha...)
around 1 sth u msg me,ask me whetther i zzz edy or not..actually i havnt zzz yet..is juz going to zzz..still i choose not to reply..not bcoz i'm angry..it's juz like i dont need to reply..


the feeling very strange..if last time i sure fast fast reply u before i zzz..but this time..haiz..duno how to say oso..is like u r not that important to me liao...at least dont need to wake up n reply u..even i never reply u still i can zzz nicely..it's not like last time anymore..midnite oso wake up n reply u..is it means that u r not important anymore?i'm really confused..or actually i'm still angry of u,that's y i feel nothing....wondering why...


is that u wanna to see?last time u owayz say that..asked me try not to consider u so important in my life and, i've done it now...but i feel strange anyway...haiz..or my heart kena so mnay times broken-mend-broken-angry-mend-broken.......
that's y now no more feeling liao?antibiotic?narcotic?haiz...me oso duno ler..hope i really ok lar..haiz..

sun rise during exam time...

Study till quite late recently..coz exam coming..haiz..have to do so..but yesterday (erm,it's actually today..) was a little special..besides studying with classmates,as usual.Then go for supper at around 2am and come back study again..even we studied so hard in last sem oso we didnt till such 'early' de..haha..

whole study room left our gang, and a couple..the guy study whole nite at study room but the girl..joined him at 4 sth..obviously she's just wake up..haha.. 'so rajin o..can wake up so early to study..' our gang aggreed.if for us sure kenot wake up such a nice zzzping time..haha..but finally the couple leave,maybe we talk too loud ..the guy juz keep on turning his head..'watching' us..wondering..if we r too loud juz come towards us n say lo..y muz like 'bu shuang' but dun wanna say out..haiz...

maybe bcoz of after eating supper..feel so full..have o wait for digest (dun wan bcome fat pig ma..haha) then oni go sleep...then few of us juz continue to do pass yr..keep on doing n asking....of coz got chat oso .if not where can tahan till sun rise o...haha..but got some of us kenot tahan then go back zzz...6 pl left 4 ppl..

5 am..me kenot tahan liao..(study whole day n nite who can tahan oo..but got a 1 hour nap,my dear clasmate keep on calling to wake me up..haha..thanx ya..) but since 1 mo set of pass yr left..just finish it before zzz la..dun waste it ma..do do do...till almost 6am..when we going to leave,ken say wanna watch sun rise wor..walau eh...so interesting..then all tahan till 6 sth to watch sun rise..geng...haha...

after bath, in the early morning,bcome so semangat liao..go down meet prince they all..sitting on the bench..Prince playing guitar..Ken jogging around ( and found a 'biawak' tim..haha..)...NIc and me discussing the colour of the sky(walau...really nice de...wont forget evrytime i watch sun rise..evrytime oso different feeling..) and listening to Prince...then start singging liao..Nic n I ask Prince to teach us guitar tim..but my nail too long..hard to press correctly..haha..have to cut fingger nail liao..

we sit at there..1st time watching sun rise at hostel..relaxing..especially after studying like hell...suddenly feel like it's all become worth..i miss call him,just feel like wanna share my feeling with him (through a miss call?feeling weird oso..but hope he can understand la..) although he is still sleeping lar...haha...

We stay at there...till the sky become bright...so nice..the feeling..then they go for breakfat..i didnt follow..after watching it,wat semangat oso hilang liao..juz feel sleepy..haha..duno wat time they zzz..but i straight away zzz after enter my room..exhausted..sleep till 2pm..haiz..wasted half day,but it worth..haha

Is it one of the advantages of studying in college n staying outside?like wat we disscussed y'day..i think so la..anyway..all the best in our final lo..Gambatte together la!! :D

I may lost u if i support u

Not surprisingly,u told me that u wanna join LB..coz last time u've edy ask question about it..and i answered..today,u asked whether i'll support u if u join them..i said i will..for whatever u've done or u wanna do,i will owayz support u for sure..sumore u r born to talk,if u join sure u will success...so what's the reason i dont support u?

But the problems come,(after u tell me then oni i realised..) capital is be one of them but i think we can handle it...another is,u scared u will lost urself after joining..ur heart and ur love..cant deny the fact that there are so many talented and pretty young ladies,and they might use u in order for them to success...not all but most of them,u said and i think so...when u succeed (maybe,or maybe no?) u'll be rich adn there wlll be so may things that u can choose to upgrade ur current life...including women..u can find another prettier gal that can help u lots in ur working life and, it's normal for a succeed man,isnt it?but u worried...u'll lost 'u'....

Nothing much to say...just to let u know human beings will change..even now we r together,who knows what will happen in future?we might break oso..as if i've done sth wrong, (even now we'll quarrel , who knows in future whether we'll quarrel more?) i believe the feeling of affinity de..if we r born to be together with each other,even now we dont get to start, in future we still can be together oso de..so..dont need worry lo...

From past time u've edy mentioned..that my most powerful point is my liking u heart and my characteristic...i might not as pretty and talented as other gals but yet u adore my characteirstics...so touching when i hear that...but as u grow elder, ur demand of a gal wont be same as what u think now....people do improve...so do u n i..what if i cant catch up with ur steps? what if i'm not ur taste in future? i'm not sure....but i'm worried bout it...so..it's not just ur problem, the problem comes to me too...cant runaway liao..muz face it bravely this time...last time used to runaway from problems (as wat u said so many times..ha..) but i think this time wont.....have to improve mysef liao..ha..hopefully lar.....

anyway,for what u r going to do,i will owayz support u...no matter how we bcome in the future,at least now i wont regret..

P/S:ppl may thik that why am i so stupid....but the fact is,when u r in love,defenitely u'll bcome stupid de la...dun blame me..ha...

wuiteng

second card

It's your birthday, dont know what to buy,just made a puzzle..but at last only i noticed that the puzzle cant suits u well..haiz..buy another things lo..but what to buy leh..haiz..

Besides present,i'll still make a card de..not everyone could receive my handmade card,coz..it's so precious..ha...juz joking la...just bcoz i'm a lazy person,lazy to make card oso..he is the second guy who received my card..the first guy,he dont knows how to appreciate it..just keep on complaining why didnt i buy a card(to save money he think) but after sending my second card,i realised that all the guys are the same..

The second card takes me whole day and night time...and when i give it to him,he juz like, 'Oo,thank you...' heart breaken..even my classmate will still say i'm really put on lotz of effort on tht card...haiz..never mind la..as long as i'd gve him it's ok liao..

but guys really wont appreciate handmade things de,is it? even when i took back the card he wont realise also (I do take back the card coz feel like not giving i is better, but still i'd put it back on the original place) not going to make card to anyone anymore...hearty broken..haiz...

P/S: have a great time on when hanging out with him(although it's a bit bored) ,enjoy lotz...

I saw u both,but do u saw me too?

i went to ur area for diner, with frenz..after settled down,i saw u..having dinner too. Besides u,there's a girl,with long hair n she's quite thin.. 'Ur new gal?',first thought came into my mind and i knew the answer must be yes.. Quickly i've changed my seat,so that i wont be able to face u both.. 5 mins later,both of u walked past by me,and u didnt noticed me,it's good,maybe..coz i dun wish u to see me again,especially when i'm blur.. Yea,totally blank at that moment..

I did not know that i'll meet u again.. it's not 'meet' actually,coz u didnt 'see' me also..if i could know earlier,i wont go there and eat..i've forced myself try not to go there (only go if neccessary),it is bcoz i dun wanna c u again..i knew i still havnt totally recover yet. Or i should say,i wont be recover?the hurt is there and it's now still there... Even i'm meeting new guys now,even i'm now liking another guy,but why? when i saw u,still i will think back our past?what we've done,what u've said... and the most insulting is,i still feeling sad.. My fren just say that i'm totally blur the whole night,i try not to let them worry but i couldnt.. I tell jokes,laugh out loud but yet they know..that i'm pretending..and they still join me...all pretending to be happy...

Actually the purpose i was there was to buy gift to my existing liking one..but why do God let me c the scene?that he helps her to hold luggage,is tat proven?proved that she's moving to his place...i'm lost..when i saw this..

I still watched them walked away from my sight,there's a thought that,wanna chase up them,feel silly,huh? but still i didnt..what for i chase up to them? to conngrate them? haha...silly ppl silly thinking...

i wist that i really could calm down myself..when i see him the next time,at least not in a lost situation..i think my lovely boy will help me..he alwayz do..for whatever he'd done for me,i appreciate..

hope that he's my 'the one'...cant afford to lose anymore...all the best to myself..and all those visitors' comments..really thanx..

父亲节.....快乐吗?

父亲节当天，因为之前有参加带团到波德申，因而不能跟爸回怡保喝喜酒，顺便和亲戚们一起庆祝父亲节。。不过有买礼物啦。。那晚从波德申赶回家，以为可以和家人一起吃晚餐，怎知。。他们竟然还没回到家，我又忘了带锁匙，顿时有种被遗弃的感觉。。只好打电话叫亲戚来载我。。可怜咧。。大家都在父亲一起。。第一次过着没有父亲在身边的父亲节。。感觉上有点不舒服。。像少了点什么。。成绩在父亲节前几天寄到家了，还好还考得满意，爸爸也蛮高兴的，总算有个交代吧！也算是礼物吧?ha..

发觉爸有点老了，身体状况好像不如从前。。没次回家都会看到他在擦药酒。。大瓶小瓶的药酒，都是属于爸和妈的。。家里几时多了那么多的药罐?怎么都没察觉到。。是我大了，会飞了；还是爸妈老了，飞不动了?心痛。。弟弟可不可以不要再令他们失望了,不要再成天对着电脑，至少在考试前温习课文..心满意足..希望没个人都是开心幸福的。。

爸，父亲节快乐。。